Stuff yer bake

This is the Pingu cake I’ve been working on for a little boy’s second birthday. I was also given the added task of making it gluten and nut free, arrrgghh. I did, however, find a recipe that was just that. The actual recipe was for a lemon drizzle cake that used ground almonds but it suggested using polenta instead of the ground almonds for a nut free version.

I knew I wanted to make an iceberg and that came out quite nicely but I’m still not altogether happy with my modeling of animals and people. I feel I need lessons as I don’t think I’m getting the consistency right with the paste and I’m not even sure I’m using the right products. Anyway, let’s just say that Pingu is genetically modified or maybe his appearance has something to do with him eating contaminated fish, same goes for Robbie the seal. The next project is my cousin’s three tier wedding cake that I have to transport across the Irish sea in four weeks time, wish me luck. 

I have always been a bit wary of trying battered fish as I had visions of a blazing chip pan inferno and fire engines carrying uniformed, sweaty, powerful men to help hose down your ikea kitchen cabinets, rescue your kitty from the next door neighbours tree etc. etc. (well every cloud has a sliver lining). I opened this months Good Food magazine and spied Golden beer battered fish with chips and plucked up the courage to give it a go. This recipe oven bakes the chips so you have just the one pan to keep your eye on and everything can be served at the same time minus the singed eyebrows. 

The recipe turned out quite nicely but I made a few adjustments as I felt the chips weren’t very crisp. I think this was because there wasn’t enough oil used and I don’t think they were boiled long enough. The recipe also mixed the flour and cold oil together with the chips before being put in the oven. I think tossing the steaming chips in the flour and heating the oil in the oven first should make sure they come out crisp.

The other problem was that the fish fillets were not as nice and thick as I would have hoped but I think a trip to the fish mongers early on a Saturday morning might remedy that instead of relying on the supermarket. I also would have liked the batter to be a bit thicker, so I reduced the amount of liquid in the recipe.

Give it a go and tell me what, if any other alterations you would make.

Serves 2

For the Fish:

50g plain flour

50g cornflour

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp tumeric

75ml fridge cold lager

50 ml fridge cold sparkling water

1 ltr sunflower oil

400g fillet sustainable cod, hake or haddock

seasoning

For the chips:

750g maris piper potatoes, peeled and cut into chunky chips

2 tbsp plain flour

4 tsp olive oil

seasoning

Begin by making the batter. Put the flours, seasoning and baking soda into a bowl. Set aside 1 tbsp of the mixture onto a plate then, whilst whisking slowly, add the liquid to the bowl combining until it forms a smooth lump free batter. Put in the fridge for about 30 mins.

Heat the oven to about 190 degrees centigrade. Put the olive oil onto a baking sheet and put in the oven to heat up. Heat a pan of salted water to boiling point and add the chips. Cook for about three or four minutes until the outside is slightly soft, drain and rough the edges of the chips by shaking them gently in the pan. Toss the chips immediately in the flour and add them to the hot oil. Turn them around carefully in the oil and put into the oven. Cook for about 35 to 40 minutes until golden and crisp. 

Heat the sunflower oil in a deep pan until a drop of batter crisps up immediately when dropped into the hot oil. Dry the fish by patting it with kitchen paper then toss in the flour that you set aside earlier and shake off the excess. Drape the fish into the batter to cover completely, allow the excess to drip off briefly, then lower the fish into the hot oil and lay it away from you. Cook for about 6-8 mins depending on the thickness of your fillet, until golden. Remove the fish with a slotted spoon, drain on kitchen paper and sprinkle sea salt over the top, keep warm. Repeat with the other fillet. Remove the chips from the oven and sprinkle with sea salt. Serve immediately with some home made tartare sauce.

I have always wanted to perfect poached eggs but never quite got them right, until now. I came across a blog post from Smitten Kitchen on the subject and plucked up my courage to give it a go and hey presto! perfect poached eggs. My new found skill has been featuring a lot now and I really wanted to try making the classic eggs Benedict. The only hard parts about it are making the hollandaise, although you could buy it, and of course poaching the eggs, so most of it really. Here’s my take on it, I hope you give it a try. 

Ingredients:

serves 2

1 English muffin (not the sort you have with coffee, they are very different)

2 fresh large eggs and 1 small egg yolk

1 tbsp lemon juice

1 heaped tsp mustard

75g fridge cold unsalted butter cut into cubes (this is supposed to be clarified butter but I couldn’t be bothered)

seasoning (don’t add salt if you are using salted butter)

2 slices good quality ham 

First make the hollandaise sauce by putting the egg yolk, mustard, lemon juice and seasoning into a bowl over a pan of simmering water. Whisk until it begins to froth and then start adding the butter a cube at a time, whisking it in as it melts. Continue to do this until the butter is used up and the sauce has a thick soft whipped cream consistency. Check the seasoning and then set to one side.

Cut the muffin in half and lightly toast then top each half with the ham and keep warm in a low oven.

To make the poached eggs put a large pan of water with splash of vinegar on the hob and bring to simmering point. Break each egg into a dish first (I cook each one separately to avoid disaster), swirl the water and drop the egg into the middle of the water vortex. Let it set a little for a few seconds and very gently tease it off the bottom so that it doesn’t stick. Cook for about three or four minutes, remove the egg with a slotted spoon and set the spoon onto some kitchen paper to drain. Then gently slide the egg onto the warm ham and muffin and top with a dollop of hollandaise. Repeat the process for the other egg. Delicious

I was asked to do a cake for someone in work whose aunt had been living with her for some time, due to illness I think, and was now going back to her own home. It took me a good few days to decide what to do but I noticed a magical house cake in one of my cake books and thought I could base it on that. I think it worked out quite well and the recipient actually cried when she saw it, so I’m taking that as a compliment (or a huge insult!). The next one I’m doing is for a friends’ little boy’s second birthday and I’m going to attempt to do a cake themed on Pingu, wish me luck! 

I have seen a couple of episodes now of Marco Pierre White’s Great British feast and have watched with amazement as this ostentatious, shaved ape in tweed throws his greater that average weight around whilst smoking endless cigarettes and shooting fluffy cute things for laughs. If I didn’t know he was a chef, I would never have guessed. His rough alcoholic nobility meets neanderthal man look belies his three michelin star talents, but enough of his unsavoury looks, at least he has a winning personality! 

The premiss of the show is to test different recipes on the general public in his Berkshire restaurant to come up with the ultimate great British feast. The public eat a selection of dishes for each course and record their thoughts on a form. At the end of the meal Marco’s long suffering Maitre d’ goes through the various comments as Marco scoffs and sneers that the public don’t know what they are talking about and then promptly strops off in a childish huff in his ridiculously extravagant chauffeur driven Range Rover. He also annoys me because I have to spend time coming up with a polite insult to describe him when there are so many swear words that would do just that. 

His chauffeur, Mr Ishii, is a quiet Japanese gentleman who has to put up with his purple fits of rage on a fairly frequent basis but as Marco and his faithful servant stood together on the river bank whilst Marco dangled his rod gently into the water their relationship reminded me of scenes of Ted and Ralph from the fast show! He not only seems to make the men around him uncomfortable but his greasy ‘awwwright me bootifuw daaarlin’ approach to anything female makes me and most certainly them want to rush to the nearest facility with running water and scrub with wire wool and extra strong bleach. More importantly his unwashed slimy appearance would most certainly put me off his food. I would no more eat his food than I would plate of slugs.  

Even though he irritates me greatly, it does really make me laugh when he tries to interact with the lower classes. He made a trip to the local supermarket to see what the little people get up to. I’m not sure what he expected to find. I had visions of him asking the staff to direct him to the isle with the Gulls eggs, which incidentally was one of the courses. He seemed about as comfortable as you would expect the Queen and Prince Philip to be, strolling up and down the isles.

               “BOGOF! Pheelippe!, no not those ones the Bird’s Eye Fish Fingers, they’re two for one!”

He was also picking leaves off potted herbs and eating them and then putting his mucky paws all over everything on the fish counter. 

Next week is the final showdown, the ‘world of puddings’ as he so eloquently puts it, so I will greatly look forward to that. 

Having seen a lot of failed attempts at Chocolate fondant puddings on Celebrity Masterchef this week, I thought I would like to give one a try. I have had shop bought ones before and relished their divine rich taste. To me they are the ultimate of decadent puddings, and the worst things for you always taste the best.

The recipe I followed from the BBC Food page seemed simple enough but I fell at the final hurdle of timings and ended up with a runny, albeit delcious, mess served with orange and vanilla ice cream. I remained undeterred, though, had another go the following night and left them in for a few minutes longer, which was much more successful but still not quite done enough. They still tasted absolutely divine, but I will keep trying until I get the perfect consistency. It’s a hard job, but somebody’s gotta do it!

I have made three dishes in all with my scallops now and have one more to go. I made a fish pie last night with some of them which was really tasty but the meal I did tonight was so simple and absolutely delicious I had to share it with you first. I think this one might be a contender for entering the competition in the Isle of Man Queenie festival. This scallop dish was lovingly created thanks to the generous donation from Island seafare Ltd.

Serves 2

Ingredients

For the skewers:

24 fresh queenie scallops

zest of one lime

olive oil

tsp of paprika

tsp cayenne pepper

salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the Guacamole:

1 ripe avocado, cut into bite size chunks

1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped

3 or 4 small vine ripened tomatoes, deseeded and cut into bite size chunks

zest and juice of 1 lime

a spring onion halved and cut into small chunks

salt and freshly ground black pepper

a small handful of fresh flat leaf parsley chopped

a drizzle of olive oil

For the flatbreads: 

255g self raising flour

1 tsbp of greek yoghurt

1 tbsp olive oil

salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp ground cinnamon

water

Begin by making the flatbreads. Put the flour, spices and seasoning into a bowl and make a well in the center. Add the yoghurt, olive oil and a tbsp of water and begin to bring together. Keep adding water a little at a time until the dough comes together. Knead the dough for about five minutes on a floured surface until it becomes soft and elastic. Leave to one side. 

In a bowl add the scallops, lime zest and juice, paprika, cayenne pepper, a drizzle of olive oil and seasoning and mix to combine. Leave to marinade. 

To make the guacamole simply combine all the ingredients in a bowl.

Light your BBQ and when the coals are glowing white and there is no flame left they are ready to use. Thread the scallops on to skewers.

Divide the dough into three and roll each bit out very thinly on a floured surface. Set each flatbread on the BBQ and allow to bubble up and brown lightly on each side, this should take about two or three minutes.

Set to one side and then place the scallops on the BBQ. Cook until nicely coloured all over and cooked through, then remove.

Immediately serve on the flatbreads with a spoonful of the guacamole and a little lightly dressed salad. And to drink, a chilled Pimms and lemonade. Lovely.

This is another cake that I made for someone in work. It was for their Grandmother’s 90th birthday and she apparently was very keen on knitting, sewing and cross stitch so I decided on a sewing box cake. The name is done in brush embroidery, which is a really nice effect where you pipe the required design and then take a very slightly damp paintbrush and drag the icing in. I am definitely getting better at the icing and having less mishaps which is good really as I’m doing my Cousin’s wedding cake in October!

I bought this months BBC Good Food magazine and was very excited when I came across a recipe for cherry vodka. The other half and I are partial to the odd gin, but haven’t really drunk much vodka for years. I knew I had a bottle in the cupboard that had been untouched for some time, so I thought a revamp of it’s flavourless, colourless contents would be a tremendous idea and in a few weeks time we would be able to able savour it’s luscious sweet flavours in a cocktail or two sat in the sun (hopefully). 

I took 400g of ripe red cherries, slit them, but not completely through and then added them to a saucepan of 200g caster sugar and 150ml of water. The cherries were then heated gently to dissolve the sugar and release the juices, then popped into a large jar and 700ml vodka added. I then sealed the jar, gave it a shake and will now wait patiently for four weeks until it is ready.

One bag of frozen squid is a little much for one person, so as I was on my own this weekend (the other half was living the high life in London for the weekend) I decided to do two different squid dishes, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night. I had seen a Nigel Slater recipe for squid on TV a few days ago which got me salivating and I thought I’d give it a try. I did my usual trick of just going from memory and not bothering to look up the recipe so I ended up doing it quite differently.

I made up a similar marinade by pounding up zest of one lemon, 2 tsp lemon juice, 1 tbsp thyme leaves, half a small garlic clove, 2 tbsp olive oil, tsp salt and lots of freshly ground pepper in a pestle and mortar. I then cut open about 6 baby squid and scored it as the recipe suggested, dried it thoroughly and fried in olive oil in a very hot pan. It cooked for only a few minutes until slightly golden and then the hot squid was tossed in the marinade. I then put the squid into a bowl with some salad leaves and tomato and tossed them together to coat the leaves and heaped in onto a plate. The other recipe looks good too… maybe I should try it sometime.